Shocking: Don't waste time teaching a child to swim. Even in a coastal Florida city!

Jane DeCoursey, former Aquatic Facility Operator and former lifeguard/water safety instructor at the Lake Worth Pool, wrote this in a FREE tabloid dated April 10th, 2015:

"[S]wimming should be unattainable for any child in Lake Worth."

Shocking. Absolutely shocking. I am SHOCKED and SHOCKED on top of being SHOCKED. How could something so terrible be written, even in an ALWAYS FREE tabloid? Have it on good authority this tabloid makes a wonderful bird cage lining. 

Are you SHOCKED? I bet most people are SHOCKED. I am SHOCKED. I wrote that already but was too SHOCKED to remember. Now I remember. It's a little fuzzy because I am in a SHOCKED state. Ever since Friday I'VE BEEN SHOCKED!

Is there a rule on how many SHOCKS can appear on the front page of a tabloid?