Press release from last year: “Consider Lake Worth, Florida, to solve your family’s drug addiction problem once and for all.”*

“LAKE WORTH, PALM BEACH COUNTY, FLORIDA — A creative option available to dispose of chronic drug users in the United States, as reported widely on TV news and The Palm Beach Post (September 2015), is an idea for making the problem even easier to manage. Resident(s) in the City, wishing to remain anonymous, placed the deceased in a convenient waste stream collection device so the body could be transported for disposal to the County’s incinerator (free of charge).

Not exactly cremation, but close enough for the budget-minded. Consider Lake Worth’s success rate when it comes to heroin addiction, for example:

Information from Palm Beach County’s Sheriff Dept. (PBSO) on heroin overdoses in Lake Worth. Red dots (18) are fatals. Room for improvement but certainly not a disappointing success rate. There’s ‘always next time’.

In the first quarter of 2016, as shown by PBSO at a recent City Commission meeting, Lake Worth continues to hold a good success rate: about 20%. Not astounding, but certainly a more affordable option than Delray Beach. How many families can afford Delray? Lake Worth’s property values, including unincorporated areas west of John Prince Park along scenic Congress Avenue, are rising, but at a slightly lower rate than other cities. That's why costs remain lower in and around the City.

The reason to hurry and purchase that one-way ticket to Lake Worth is the possibility of a historic hotel being renovated and a new hotel constructed in the Downtown nearby and other developments that could cause real estate values to uptick a few percentage points. Also keep in mind this: How many times have you been disappointed in the past about hopes of recovery?

For example, when that day finally comes you could receive the news in the dog days of July in South Florida. Think about humidity and the travel, food, and lodging expenses! Of course, you could also get the news around New Year’s Day too but do you want to take that chance? Plus take into consideration your loved one’s will to live: Is it high or borderline low?

Don’t waste any more time. Purchase that one-way ticket to a ‘sober home’ in Lake Worth, Florida, for your chronically-addicted family member. Time is money.

Remember: Consider Lake Worth, Florida, to solve your drug addiction problem once and for all!

*For those of you scratching your head: This is not a real press release, but a parody/satire about a very real problem in the little City of Lake Worth and elsewhere in South Florida.