Saturday, February 18, 2017

#3 in series from the Worst Local Newspaper Ever*: “LAKE WORTH CRIME BLOTTER”!!!!!

“Domine, ut videam” [Latin for “Lord, I want to see”]. A lot of people in the City of Lake Worth were praying for that day to come in early 2015. But it never did:

“1 Year Subscription: Only $39!” But tabloid was FREE, delivered for FREE to select neighborhoods in the City and shut down 4 months later? Hmmm.

For #1 in this series of excerpts from the “Worst Local Newspaper Ever” use this link. An excerpt: “It’s a big deal for us,” said Laurel Decker, who filed suit against the city in 2013 . . . “We’d like to get the dais back, and get the city moving forward again.”

For #2 use this link: “Tree Board Switches to Gumbo Limbo!” Remember when the rotting ficus tree in the Cultural Plaza was removed in 2013? In 2015 the Tree Board replaced it with a Gumbo Limbo.

From Friday, February 13th, 2015, Volume 1,† Issue 5, page 2, more from the archives‡ “LAKE WORTH CRIME BLOTTER”. Can you believe we made it through that crime spree in 2015?§

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 2[Note: this ‘crime’ and ones that follow are from 2015, word for word from the City’s Worst Newspaper Ever.]
Stolen car: A man told police that his maroon Intrepid was stolen in front of his apartment complex at 101 South Palmway. He said he’d parked the vehicle on First Avenue South the day before, and left the keys in it, and that it had been left unlocked. He explained that he was sick the day before, and so was in a hurry to get inside and go to sleep.
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 3
Burglary: A man living on the 100 block of 18th Avenue North told police [sic] that while he was out of town, his roommate called him to tell him that someone had taken his tool boxes containing about $2600 worth of tools from the deck, and from the inside of the home, near the kitchen door. It appeared that the home had been left unlocked.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 5
Burglary: A man living on the 1700 block of 4th Avenue South said a television and hand-held vacuum had been taken from his home. The man said he suspected his girlfriend, with whom he’d just had a fight, had taken them.
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 6
Stolen car: A woman told police [sic] she’d let a Hispanic-looking man named Tae drive her car from Checkers across the street to get cigarettes in January because her license had been suspended. When she came out of the store after getting the cigarettes, Tae and the car were both gone. She entered rehab the next day, and now out, had been unable to get her car back from Tae.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 7
Stolen car: A man on South C Street reported that someone had stolen his Dodge Neon from his parking spot. He said he’d returned home from a nightclub in the early morning, and sometime after, someone had come into his house and thrown water in his face. When he woke up the next day, the car was gone. He said the only person with keys to the apartment was his girlfriend, the mother of his baby. When contacted, the girlfriend told police [sic] that the man, Amilcar [name redacted], has been having a lot of prostitutes in the apartment.

Do you have any of those old tabloids left over from the March 2015 election cycle? Click on image to enlarge:

Local stores were first puzzled by the drop in sales of Windex® in early 2015. To clean windows with vinega use 2 cups of water, ¼ cup of vinegar, and ½ teaspoon of liquid detergent.
 

The footnote section for #3 in this series has been updated:

*The “Premiere Issue!” of this tabloid first appeared on January 16th, 2015 with a restaurant review by Joseph Thompson III. He later disappeared and was never heard from again. Whereabouts unknown.
There wasn’t another volume to follow. The tabloid failed from little advertising even though it was given away for free. Downtown littering became a big problem throughout the City following this tabloid’s release.
Archives remain—separate from and not to be confused with The Lake Worth Herald—the City’s oldest business, “Established in 1912”.
§Many believe TOB and this
‘newspaper’ were in cahoots to damage the reputation of our Lake Worth PBSO: “Remember when The Obtuse Blogger (TOB) used to post those ridiculous lists of ‘crime’ in Lake Worth?
‖Back in 2015 Rolando Silva was the PBSO Cpt. in Lake Worth (now the Cpt. in Wellington). For the latest message from PBSO Cpt. Baer, his “Captain’s Corner”, use this link. 
Vinegar is a liquid consisting of about 5–20% acetic acid (CH3COOH), water, and other trace chemicals, which may include flavorings.” For cleaning windows don’t use products containing sun-ripened grain, lemon pepper, or dried dill.
**For future use.
Ibid.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That paper was awful.